destination: graduate school

[This is the beginning of the long version. If you want to read the short version, scroll down...]

Since my first notification of acceptance or rejection (a yes from Claremont), I’ve received three more. University of Oregon wrote a polite letter saying that there simply was not enough room, and Rochester wrote a letter complaining about the lack of funding for graduate studies in English. And while I was at the comicon on Saturday, I finally received a notification e-mail from Portland State saying that I had been accepted, though without any scholarships. When I compared the numbers, Claremont came out to about $40,000 (including the fellowship) and Portland State was only about $15,000 — without any aid at all. A difference of $25,000 is pretty dismal and difficult to justify.

I spent the first 18 years of my life in Portland. It will always be my hometown; but though I love its hippieness, yuppieness, semi-greenness, and general weirdness, the prospect of returning made me feel rather despondent. But so did the thought of being in debt for the rest of my life. I’m a saver who was taught to never borrow money, not even for school or a car. Besides, would Portland really be that bad? It’s not Salem, for one thing. The art and music scene is pretty healthy. Since school would be cheap, I could go at my own pace and be free to do the other things I love, like playing music, getting involved in drama, or whatever I felt like. I wouldn’t have to worry about classes being too difficult. Basically, I could earn my masters – and accomplish a huge life goal – at a very low price.

Or a very high one. I would be saving money, it’s true. But I kept thinking about all the things I could be missing. Portland State would almost surely narrow my future academic opportunities, should I choose to pursue that path. Though Portland is a large city with a lot going on, I would feel stuck, and in a sense I wouldn’t have moved at all. And I would always wonder what would have happened if I’d taken that chance to finally challenge myself academically and live in a real big city — two things I’ve always dreamed of. Twenty-five thousand dollars is a high price to pay for a dream – but money is replaceable; time, however, is not.

I still went back and forth for hours, talking to my roommate and to my best friend, but I still didn’t feel right about either school. So I called up my teacher, an alum of Portland State who’s been gently but decidedly pushing me towards her former school. I was prepared to defer my hopes and listen to those older and wiser than me.

As it turned out, the decision did not rest on a pricetag. Instead, it was a simple question of what I wanted to do. I told my teacher that if I had to choose between being a teacher or being a writer, I would choose being a writer. So, while the quality of education at both schools is comparable, the network and opportunities at Claremont far outweighed the extra cost over Portland State. In other words, I will have a better chance at getting published with a name like Claremont on my CV.

[Here's the short version.]

So that’s it. I’m moving to L.A. in August.

I am so blessed by our great God. I can’t get over how much He loves to give. So many long-cherished desires are coming alive, together with the hope and knowledge that this is what should be happening. I look forward to the future, not just for the happiness and adventure, but also for the new things that God will do with me. Soli Deo gloria.

Reading: Desiring God, John Piper; American Born Chinese, Gene Luen Yang
Listening: Trouble, Bonnie McKee
Watching: Lost, Legend of the Seeker
Playing: …still need to finish LoZ!

Emerald City ComiCon 2010; and why I love cons

Before this last weekend I’d only been to the Portland cons — the Portland Comic Book Show and Stumptown. They’re small as cons go, though you will probably get to see Brian Michael Bendis, Aaron Lopresti, Randy Emberlin (all Portlanders), and maybe even Kurt Busiek if he can make the drive from Seattle. But besides that, there are only a few comic store booths, a handful of lesser-known writers and artists, and a lot of empty space. Also, the guy-girl ratio of attendance is about 7-3. So after going to cons faithfully in high school, I rarely went during college and pretty much stopped going altogether after graduation.

But when I heard Stan Lee himself was making an appearance at the relatively nearby Emerald City Con, I decided it was a pilgrimage I had to take. And when I got there I remembered why I love going to cons.

There is something about being surrounded by fellow self-proclaimed geeks that lifts the heart of a person. I was surprised how polite, friendly, and helpful people were. Saying “excuse me” in a place crammed like a Manhattan subway, cracking stupid jokes to complete strangers, giving directions in the line to see Leonard Nimoy…the camaraderie was refreshing…like Disneyland. Maybe that’s what Nerd Disneyland would be like. There were certainly enough costumes wandering around to make it so. Unlike tiny Portland cons where nobody dresses up, at ECCC you couldn’t look anywhere without spotting a cape or a mask. This was both delightful and regretful to me, because I had deliberately chosen not to wear my Lieutenant Athena costume for fear that it would be too nerdy. Well, there is no such thing as “too nerdy” at a con, I have learned. It’s quite the contrary. And for a $20 ticket, any nerd or geek can feel what it’s like to be normal for a few hours.

Me and an Ewok!

(If you want to see more pictures, I made a Facebook album.)

The first reason I started going to cons, though, was the chance to meet writers and artists — people I aspired to be like. One of the first times I went, I think I even wrote down questions to ask the creators I knew were going to be there. I always wanted to know how they got their jobs, why they wrote, and why they wrote for comics. I remember I was so thrilled when the editor-in-chief of Dark Horse Comics*, Scott Allie, offered to look at my work if I ever sent him a script. Since high school I’ve moved on from badgering creators with such life questions and worked on putting into practice the things they told me, but I still get a lot out of talking to them. This year wasn’t disappointing. I got my Ruse** and Kingdom Come books autographed by Mark Waid, who happens to be one of my favorites. I also got to meet Jill Thompson, who painted the first version of Great Expectations I ever read.

I guess I find cons inspiring. And every time I leave, I wonder how long it will be till I’m on the other side of the booth. I’ve loved comics as long as I can remember, and it would be a dream come true to write one that people actually read. Who knows? In the meantime, San Diego Comic-Con is around the corner…hmm, what costume this time?

Oh, I totally met Stan Lee. And got my picture with him.

Me and the Man. 'Nuff said.

* Did you know that Dark Horse is the fourth-largest comics publishing company, and it’s based in Milwaukie, Oregon?!

** Ruse is one of my all-time favorite comics. It’s a steampunk Sherlock Holmes kind of story, but with the romantic partnership element I have a weakness for. Also, it’s a CrossGen publication, which means that it was very good, but its survival was doomed from the beginning, sadly. Still worth a read, though!

Reading: Desiring God, John Piper; American Born Chinese, Gene Luen Yang
Listening: Trouble, Bonnie McKee (oldie but a goodie — I hope she does more stuff soon)
Watching: Legend of the Seeker (I’m absolutely head-over-heels for it. Can I PLEASE be Kahlan?!)
Playing: Uhh…nothing…need to beat LoZ!

a bit of good news; and some things I have learned about applying to grad school, pt. 2: gathering

Let’s not keep the good news waiting — I was informed by e-mail Thursday morning that Claremont has recommended me for admission to their master’s program in English. Woo! They’re also offering  a 25% tuition fellowship, which is not huge, but still significant. The quick turnaround time surprised me, since I only submitted it about three weeks prior. After checking thegradcafe.com, though, it makes more sense. It seems that most programs send out several acceptances and rejections the last week of February and the first week of March. The ones that they can’t decide on immediately have to wait until later in March, or even April. Anyway, it’s my first official yes or no. I’m excited about being accepted, but it’s more strange to me that things are actually happening!

So back to the application process. And it is very much a process, mind you. This next part is probably the one I most wish I had known more about when I was doing it, because it turned out to be far more complicated than I anticipated.

You would think that applications for English masters or Ph.D programs are pretty much the same, regardless of the school. They all require GRE scores, university transcripts, letters of recommendation, a letter of intent, a writing sample, etc. But that “etc.” throws in enough variance that each application demands your undivided attention. If I had known, I would have given myself two weeks for each application instead of just one week (this is me working two jobs). Half the time I spent putting an application together went to just figuring out the school’s exact requirements. For example: some schools need only one official transcript. Fine. But where do you send it to — grad department or English department? Some other schools need two transcripts. But only one official or two? One of the schools I applied to wanted not only an official set, but also a typed list of the English classes I took and my average English GPA. Not hard to type up, but several of these kinds of program-specific requirements add a lot of time and preparation to the process. Another example: letter of intent might sound like you just send the same letter about yourself to each school. But that is a BIG application no-no. While some parts of your statement may stay the same, each school wants to know why you would be a good fit for their program, not “generic English department program.” And admissions committees can tell if you’ve sent the same words to every program you’ve applied to. Again, not hard, but this necessitates a thorough study and understanding of each school’s program. I read the program handbooks of each department to get a feel for its goals and purpose. Some schools are nice and give you a list of specific questions to answer — and if they do, make sure you answer them!

I could list other things, but I think you get the idea. In sum, I would set apart not less than two weeks for each school you intend to apply to.* Be aware of deadlines. If you need to, write out what you need to send out and prepare for each program. Ironically, it’s not uncommon for English department websites (maybe other departments too, who knows) to be a bit unclear about some application requirements. That’s why they list contact info on almost every page. A lot of the people I wanted to contact seemed to be on vacation, so don’t wait to e-mail or call somebody if you have a pressing question.

* That’s for the actual applications. GRE scores, transcript requests, and requests for letters of recommendations should be sent out at least a month in advance.

Reading: Confessions, St. Augustine; Stones into Schools, Greg Mortenson
Listening: Muse, Glee soundtrack
Watching: Bones is on break until April (sniff sniff tear), so I must fill my time with other stuff, like Legend of the Seeker (don’t laugh, it’s great swords ‘n’ sorcery indulgence), United States of Tara (AMAZING show by Steven Spielberg, Diablo Cody, and Toni Collette), and When Harry Met Sally… (how have I not seen it before?)
Playing: Legend of Zelda, sort of; need to start Diablo soon, though

I feel so empty now…wait, wait for it…

I submitted the last of my applications late Sunday night. I had this sinking feeling when I hit the send button, like I had nothing left to live for…ha! I think I’ve fully recovered, now that I’ve remembered things like personal appearance and regular eating and sleeping.

I started a series on graduate applications but got bogged down by the actual applications. Now that I’m done, though, not only will I have more time to finish it, but I have a bit more perspective. At the very least it will be self-debriefing.

Next I get to start on a writing project (whee!) that I’ve been hired for. I’m writing a foreword and doing the copyediting, so it’s nothing too intensive, but I’m really looking forward to it. Any experience is good experience, right?

And because I can never be without goals, I made two for the next six months: 1) get in shape and 2) learn as much German as I can before I (God willing) start grad school in the fall. Oh and play a computer RPG. I’m thinking either Diablo or Baldur’s Gate.

And if all else fails…well…I guess I will work at Starbucks for the rest of my life and spend all my money on books and music.

Reading: Confessions, St. Augustine
Listening: Muse
Watching: Bright Star, 30 Rock, and Jennifer’s Body…oh and don’t forget LOST!
Playing: Plants vs. Zombies

sometimes experience is the best teacher; or, why I will never procrastinate ever again

Still floating on the blogging inspiration from watching Julie & Julia. If I had frequent meltdowns too, would you comment more? Anyway.

Well, I am proud to say my first graduate application is turned in, and not a moment too soon. Literally. But first, a word on procrastination.

Someone recently said to me that procrastination is not laziness. I thought, of course not, it’s a more efficient way of getting things done, duh. How do you think I got through college? Then that person went on to say that it’s a common trait of performance-based thinking. People whose feel their worth is performance-based tend to put pressure on themselves. Why that is, she didn’t explain, but it’s not too hard to infer. I know exactly why I procrastinate. Yes, it gets the job done faster, but at the expense of my well-being and frequently the task itself. The focus becomes the end result and all sight is lost of the process. This prevents the possibility of finding any mistakes or flaws (!). Usually the end product is acceptable, but sometimes barely so or even not at all. Example: me turning in my grad application.

I don’t need to share every single detail, but if I had showed up five minutes later than I did to turn in my application, I probably would not have been able to submit it. And I would have had only myself to blame. Countless sleepless hours, a lot of money, and even more stress would have been completely wasted. Thankfully they still chose to accept it.

And that is why I will never be procrastinating again. I’ve been working on focusing more on the process than the end result, and that’s helping. It requires a lot more thought and humility than I’m used to. But that’s a good thing.

So the moral of the story is, if you need to write a brand-new work sample for you graduate application, start actually writing it at least a month in advance. I don’t mean just the research, I mean you need to have at least your thesis statement and introduction done. If you do, you will save yourself a lot of stress.

One application down, four to go. Notre Dame, you’re up next.

Watching: Julie & Julia and Bones
Listening: Battle Studies by John Mayer
Reading: The Ragamuffin Gospel by Brennan Manning

studying techniques: a pictorial guide

At the risk of sounding totally ostentatious, I’m writing a list of my favorite study tools. This is how it’s done, people:

1. My most important life tool, affectionately known as Pegasus. A 14″ widescreen beauty. I do everything on here.
2. Even though I love my computer, I still do a lot of my first draft writing on actual paper. One-hundred-page spiral-bound notebook, college-ruled, perforated pages.
3. All my note-taking is done with a Pilot BP-S Fine pen, for the simple reason that it’s super cheap and lasts forever (I bought one per semester in college, and I take a lot of notes). But I prefer the Pilot G-2 07 for writing that I want to keep. The two-ended highlighter is useful for picking out things in my notes that I want to use.
4. My new BFFs. All of them, in alphabetical order of course. Rossetti herself, Gilbert and Gubar, Kent et al., Marsh, Bell, Barrett Browning, Dickinson, etc., etc. …
5. My new favorite tool, mini sticky notes. For short thoughts/questions/resources that I want to look up or use later.
6. The only way I can stay up until 2 or 3 am: consume several ounces of Mountain Dew, or in more serious cases, Vault. Of course it’s in that fantastic double-walled Starbucks cup. Those ice cubes have been sitting in there for hours. Heh.
7. Tunes, also to keep me awake. I’ve gone through a lot of sad girl music while writing this paper, appropriately enough.
8. My anti-dehydration kit.
9. And finally, let’s not forget Spider-Man Mr. Potato Head. My faithful companion since graduation, he always makes me smile.

Well, that’s it for now. I rewrote my entire introduction tonight, but it’s about 20x better than my original one. Firmer direction = more work at first, but easier to write in the end. I might post it later.

So how do you study? Any secrets? Quirky habits? Comment here!

happy 179th birthday, Christina Rossetti!

I’ve learned a lot about you these last few weeks. The beautiful tension of your work fascinates me; partly because I feel some of the same things; and partly because you so elegantly express what many of us can only long to say.

For my paper I’m going try to figure out a little bit of that tension, namely in the area of Woman’s role in relationships. She must assert but submit; speak but remain silent; bestow loyalty but receive none. I will suggest that the ideal woman, or at least the closest to it, is the speaker of “Monna Innominata.” If happy love between two equals cannot exist, then perhaps distant love between them can, so long as the “sacred barrier” remains unbreached.

Happy birthday, poet of longing. I hope to one day meet you where “the golden streets begin.”

Portrait by Dante Gabriel Rossetti, 1866. Image taken from rossettiarchive.org 2009-12-05.