[This is the beginning of the long version. If you want to read the short version, scroll down…]
Since my first notification of acceptance or rejection (a yes from Claremont), I’ve received three more. University of Oregon wrote a polite letter saying that there simply was not enough room, and Rochester wrote a letter complaining about the lack of funding for graduate studies in English. And while I was at the comicon on Saturday, I finally received a notification e-mail from Portland State saying that I had been accepted, though without any scholarships. When I compared the numbers, Claremont came out to about $40,000 (including the fellowship) and Portland State was only about $15,000 — without any aid at all. A difference of $25,000 is pretty dismal and difficult to justify.
I spent the first 18 years of my life in Portland. It will always be my hometown; but though I love its hippieness, yuppieness, semi-greenness, and general weirdness, the prospect of returning made me feel rather despondent. But so did the thought of being in debt for the rest of my life. I’m a saver who was taught to never borrow money, not even for school or a car. Besides, would Portland really be that bad? It’s not Salem, for one thing. The art and music scene is pretty healthy. Since school would be cheap, I could go at my own pace and be free to do the other things I love, like playing music, getting involved in drama, or whatever I felt like. I wouldn’t have to worry about classes being too difficult. Basically, I could earn my masters – and accomplish a huge life goal – at a very low price.
Or a very high one. I would be saving money, it’s true. But I kept thinking about all the things I could be missing. Portland State would almost surely narrow my future academic opportunities, should I choose to pursue that path. Though Portland is a large city with a lot going on, I would feel stuck, and in a sense I wouldn’t have moved at all. And I would always wonder what would have happened if I’d taken that chance to finally challenge myself academically and live in a real big city — two things I’ve always dreamed of. Twenty-five thousand dollars is a high price to pay for a dream – but money is replaceable; time, however, is not.
I still went back and forth for hours, talking to my roommate and to my best friend, but I still didn’t feel right about either school. So I called up my teacher, an alum of Portland State who’s been gently but decidedly pushing me towards her former school. I was prepared to defer my hopes and listen to those older and wiser than me.
As it turned out, the decision did not rest on a pricetag. Instead, it was a simple question of what I wanted to do. I told my teacher that if I had to choose between being a teacher or being a writer, I would choose being a writer. So, while the quality of education at both schools is comparable, the network and opportunities at Claremont far outweighed the extra cost over Portland State. In other words, I will have a better chance at getting published with a name like Claremont on my CV.
[Here’s the short version.]
So that’s it. I’m moving to L.A. in August.
I am so blessed by our great God. I can’t get over how much He loves to give. So many long-cherished desires are coming alive, together with the hope and knowledge that this is what should be happening. I look forward to the future, not just for the happiness and adventure, but also for the new things that God will do with me. Soli Deo gloria.
Reading: Desiring God, John Piper; American Born Chinese, Gene Luen Yang
Listening: Trouble, Bonnie McKee
Watching: Lost, Legend of the Seeker
Playing: …still need to finish LoZ!
A Quest 